Mountains are Passing

The end is near: UA's semester is coming to a close, and so it SHS, and I will be a graduate and 18 and free to be beautiful.
I have a total of five days, as I know, of classes/exams left, counting today as one of these.
Almost a month until I leave for Camp and I leave Streetsboro forever.
There have been two house showings so far, and we have one tonight, and all have been very promising. I cannot wait until I can make messes again.
My birthday is coming up. It doesn't mean too much for me, but the date is my symbolism of moving on from this place, and this home and these people. There is a goodbye party planned.
I always plan it. I've been having an annual end of the year party since I was in eighth grade.
I'm remembering the different times, the laughter, the different friends that have come and gone, and the changes I have found in me. I'm still finding that I'm fine with the changing.
I drove Marie to her voice lesson yesterday, and listened in, and when it was over, and her voice lesson teacher came out and said, "Who are you?" Marie called from the other room "my sister" and then she said,"Look at that forehead!" and proceeded for the next ten or fifteen minutes to have me sing a couple notes, and then talk about how I could sing with Marie to help her out. And it was fun.
But that's it right now. I don't have other things to say.

School

I found out I'm in the top ten at my high school.
Considering that I decided to go to college the past two years that's really good.
Especialty considering that I also got 1.4 Bs.
I'm excited and happy about it.
Unfortunately, as of today me attending Prom is on the line.
The rules are that no homeschooled kids come..
Not that I'm homeschoolled, but Xak is.
As of now I'm not worried, but by tomorrow, when I know the answer, I'll either be or not be.
There are two weeks left of classes at UA.
And That means four class days for me.
But I'm going to last because I have stability.
And optimism. And I'm just that good.
We are putting the house up on the market soon. I think possibly next week.
We are also trading the white car for a green Daewo.
I'm pumped.
Since I'm not tired yet, I'm going to study.
I can't wait until Saturday.

Debating the Future.

So I've been debating whether to become a nurse or go to medical school and become a surgeon, and now I'm wondering if I'm just going to go to school, and everything else is going to turn out, and God's going to show me something I didn't see before that is even better than what I pick.

Medical School is long. Residencies are long as well. There's a lot of book work. But I LOVE it. I love learning. Maybe I'm just sick of books right now, as I have been reading so much for such unuseful classes (for my major). (The classes are actually helping me learn about myself, for life, but not for what i want to do.)

If I became a nurse, I could be a Psych nurse, or a surgical nurse, or an emergency nurse. Mom mentioned to me the other day that I could also become a nurse practitioner and then have the ability to help patients.

But I was just on http://www.bls.gov/oco/ocos074.htm and I was reading about medical school, and I love the idea of learning about all of these things, and then going to work in a hospital. I can't ever make up my mind! I want to be a surgeon, general, or neuro! Maybe I should start studying now.

I wonder what I'm going to want to be tomorrow.

Ode To Dead Flowers

Dead Flowers, how you lay wilted and frozen
The sun has chosen, to hide behind the clouds.
Deceased of the Beauty, only the root, buld remains
Then next spring, you'll return, with vigor and gain.
I have no fear for the future, especially for you,
But now, today, I will miss the colors, the pretty morning prelude
The bright yellows and the reds, or blues of the petals-
Back into the ground, the sound dirt to settle.


That was my interesting attempt at spontaneous poetry.
But I was some daffadils overwhelmed by the snow, and even though they aren't human, they should get some recognition. They come back every year, without fail. That's more consistant than humans.

Some other things I have been processing. I was thinking of majoring in Psychology. I'm one who always wonders about why humans enjoy the things that they do, and so I've been thinking about that idea. I was also thinking of Nursing, because I'm impatient. I want to do the hands on stuff right away--I'm so sick of the bookwork. So I think that might be a good career choice. I'd like to take classes in Music, and Psychology and Nursing.
We'll see. The sun will shine brighter tomorrow. And God will provide. I have no fear. Except that I will be dehydrated. But that is my own fault.

How you doin'?, All in a Day's Work, and everything else

I was studying in the hallway of a building on campus of UA, and I was lying down on a bench. It was early in the morning, and so there weren't very many people around, so I didn't feel uncomfortable with lying like that. A few people would sauter through the hall, some talking on their phones, some going to the bathroom, some just pushing through to get to their classes. So I was just part of the wall for most. But then someone, who was walking through the hallway, not facing me, said, "How you doin'?" I had no idea he was addressing me, until he walked into my view, and I looked up, and saw he was looking at me intently as he walked away. And I realized that I'd just been hit upon. Hooray. . . I didn't know my butt was THAT nice, but thanks for informing me.

I work at a home-based daycare, and deal with very interesting situations, to say the least. This week, I took a dead hamster and put it in a shoebox for my boss, so that she could take it to the petstore and get a new one. I dealt with three different ideas of how to deal with the kids--my boss's, and two other ladies that I work with. I changed more than my share of poopy diapers. Today we put down one of the two year old girls for a nap, and she didn't quit screaming for half an hour, and we had to tell her sternly that she was waking up everyone else several times. Lunch was fish sticks and green beans. But I had a Fiber bar, a Nutrigrain bar, and an orange. Good deal. The four-month old that we watch didn't take a nap this morning. We couldn't figure out why, and I just entertained him for a good while. Then when I left to take my boss's son to preschool, (which his finger got squashed in the door handle on the the way out of the car, and was crying when he went into preschool) the other lady that was working with me changed his diaper, and said that he had a REALLY bad poop--that it was in his onesy and got all over him when she took it off of him. I was glad that I missed it. I'm not too amazing with poop. Earlier in the week, she had me hose down a picnic table for the kids to sit at outside. I unloaded the dishwasher this morning. And when we were all in the playroom, I was sitting in the rocking chair, and one after another, soon I had four little girls sitting on my lap, and curious as to why I was reading a Nuevo Testamento. (I'm working my Spanish, and my bible time together.)

It rained gross today. I'm really jealous of those who get to enjoy the amazing weather of Honduras, while I get to stay in Ohio, and write papers, study for exams, and change diapers. But I am content. My time will come. But today, my dad and I went running, regardless of the rain, and we did two miles, probably the fastest we've done it together. We aren't fast runners, and we tend to want to quit early indiviually, but when we run together, we accomplish and extend to distances, and slightly, speeds which we couldn't do by ourselves. Thus why it is going to be difficult for me to run next week, because my dad will be in SD, doing some pastoral work at his former high school, and some churches in the area. I'm actually driving him to the airport tomorrow morning, at 5:00 in the morning.

All Things Grace

Yesterday we, Muffin and I, saw the opera. I'm not even joking. Hardcore, four hours long, The Marriage of Figaro, by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart! It was amazing. I also got to take a peek into high society of Cleveland, Ohio. There's a majority of old people dressed up. There was a lot of alcohol consumed. There was an intense line for the bathroom during intermission.



I got a Muse "Blackholes and Revelations" CD yesterday, also. I love it. It was the last copy at Target, so it was a great feeling to know that it was there. I'm loving it. In addition to the opera. It's really not that different. Just a little more electronic.



I watched the movie, The Sentinel today. I love watching Kieffer Sutterland, even though I'm not very enduring for the 24 season... It was good.



I washed walls in the basement, and spacklinged the holes in the walls. Spackling is the anitholy water. It makes things unholey. I was kept entertained that entire time with an excitement filled conversation with the bf, Xac. He's headed to Honduras, for a couple weeks, I'm excited for him. I wish I could go out of the country. I'd like to feel culture shock. It's been so long since I have, because of living in the same place for so long, with the same mediocre people with their lukewarm attitudes.



I just want to be a musician star. And step out of this stupid world that I'm forced to be surrounded by. Thank goodness my family is moving away from this stinking town.

There are some good people, but I always feel the same vibe--that everyone here criticizes the place that we live, and they want to live somewhere else, but this is where they are, but they don't love it. I love rural areas, in comparison to this place.



We have two extra dogs in our house at the moment, and they are driving all of our family crazy. They make Rocket go off a rocket and being a crazy thing. And they all bark up a storm, and whine like crazy things, and the cats get freaked out.



Muffin is doing her voice practice right now, and it is also crazy annoying, but I can't do anything about it, because i love her voice the way it is. And i want her to get way better, so that she can become an amazing opera singer, like the girls at "The Marriage of Figaro."



I haven't talked to Anise in awhile. I wonder how she's holding up. She's only got like three weeks of college left before she comes home and get to be with me all the time. Yay! Then she's going to work at SWAP during the summer, in West Virginia.



Mom and Dad and me and Muffin have been working on getting the house ready to be put on the market. Mom and Dad were washing the outside of the house yesterday, this morning, and this afternoon. We have to repaint the outside, and add some nice touches, like a new shutter color. We're also going to have a painting party next Saturday to paint some parts of the house. Maybe not the outside (it's too soon to tell if that will be ready) But there are several rooms in the house that have been spackinged by me, and thus we have to paint the rooms now.



My collage wall disinigrated awhile ago, and I had a collage corner and my French doors were collaged for awhile, but now that the house is going to be going on the market, we have to take down all the pictures of family members/people on the walls, so my room is going to look really lame. It's all part of me that I have to take down.



I have been working on a new song recently. It's called "Introductions." I figure if and when I finally record an entire CD, that this song could be the first one.

Here's a clip of some of the lyrics:

My name is Grace

I'm nowhere close to becoming famous

I have a face, and a heart too

And feelings hurt almost everyday

Can't you see I'm a person too?

But I don't want to become insensitive.

Will you let me sing for you?

Because

My words,

My emotions

Break holes in the windows of hearts

Of people

Poor people

Who hide from reality

Please let them see me.



So Mom was in the mood for some "cheap" reading, meaning magazines (haha). So she read and is reading my Seventeen magazine. But later, she came into my room with a very serious face.

She came to aske me to unload the dishwasher.
I asked her why she looked like someone died.
And then she said that later we could talk about sex.
I told her I don't like to talk about sex.
And we've had that conversation before anyway.
I feel I've been adequately versed in the matter.
And I also feel very firm in my beliefs in what I won't do.
And very luckily for me I'm dating a guy that isn't going to ignore the subject of boundaries. Hooray for non jerk boys. (FINALLY)

The dogs are in the basement, the sister is almost done with the voice stuff, the mom is still reading the Seventeen magazine. I'm still escaping into the world of music. and diet generic cola pop. Daddy is doing laundry.

Peace out.

How do I choose?

So I've basically been debating what I should major in all day. At EMU, my designated major, as I have told them, is Biology, with a goal of medical school, and eventually becoming a surgeon. But there's so much, so many other things that I can do, and would enjoy doing. I want to explore them, with a chance to change my mind, and know what I want to do. But some things I guess I'll never know until the day comes. I love music. I love writing songs, and coming up with weird chord patterns, or finding awesome melodies to go with the classic ones. I love to write.. In my journal at least, and although I don't think that I could stand having a career in Writing because of how much I dread writing papers for school, I still think that I could enjoy it, even if just for a memoir somewhere down the road. I love to knit, though that in itself is not enough to occupy my mind. I'm always knitting when I am also doing something else-driving somewhere, or talking on the phone. I love taking pictures. Not a lot, but sometimes, and it always helps to have an amazing sunrise in the morning. I like to study the Bible. It fascinates me and I just want to understand all of it all the way. I have no idea what kind of career would become of that. Sometimes when I daydream about having a CD and I think of themed types. One idea was to have an entire CD of songs that were inspired by the feelings of Biblical women. I kind of started on that one, but I didn't get far. I wrote three songs. I love music. Maybe that should be my career. But for a very long time, I've wanted to have the advantage of being finacially stable, and because of my interest in biology, and according to everyone, my smarts, I've always considered medicine to be my career path. But then again, maybe I should just be a surgeon until all my loans are paid off and then do what I love to do. But what's that?